Movie Madness!

AUGUST 1996

As we go to press, Independence Day is still setting records at the box office, having earned a total of a billion kajillion dollars so far. It's such a big hit that Tim Burton asked for more money to beef up the f/x for Mars Attacks! Meanwhile, studios continued to play a bizarre game of musical chairs with the remaining weekends of summer, with everyone trying to guess when screens will open up...

THE ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO

This version of Collodi's story from director Steve Barron has a peculiarly European flavor. It sticks closer to the book than Disney, while throwing in odd ideas. None of the characters are surprised that the puppet's come to life, but the villains (Rob Schneider and Bebe Neuwirth, making unexplained animal noises) try to exploit him as an attraction. Frankly, the whole thing made little impression on me - but then, I'm not the target audience. The screening I attended was filled with little girls gushing over kidvidstar Jonathan Taylor Thomas who stood up and cheered when he became a "real boy" at the end. This kid is hot with the under 10 chicks.

BASQUIAT

Another stupid flick about Andy Warhol's factory. Another stupid flick about a dumb junkie who DOAs. The director, Julian Schnabel, is supposed to have been a fellow artist and friend of the title painter, and so should provide an "insider's" insight, focusing on what makes the artwork special. Instead, we get yet another dreary story about fame, enlivened only by the antics of David Bowie as Warhol.

CHAIN REACTION

Chicago residents who were disappointed that our city was destroyed offscreen in ID4 can find some consolation in this new Andrew Davis thriller, in which a big chunk of the south side is flattened by an explosion, which also knocks Keanu Reeves off his bike. Whoa, dude! Davis is the director who surprised everyone with the success of The Fugitive, a thoughtful thriller with action highlights. This one may be a bit too thoughtful. Is technology progressing too fast? Is this potentially harmful technology being suppressed? Should the government have created an agency so secret that they have no idea what they're up to? Why is Morgan Freeman smoking those expensive cigars around all those big hydrogen tanks? These are just a few of the questions raised in this complex story about what happens when scientists discover a way to produce limitless energy at no cost, with plans to give away the secret to everyone. Keanu is the only one with key info on how to make it work, but government spooks are after him for it, while framing him as a spy. Who can he trust? The shifty Freeman? FBI man Fred Ward? The middle of the movie gets bogged down in this paranoia, but the first and last acts have plenty of stuff blowing up to compensate. Meanwhile, Chicagoans can also chuckle at scenes set around D.C.'s Smithsonian, obviously played by our own Field Museum and Museum of Science & Industry.

EMMA

I usually run screaming from the whole of Jane Austin fandom, but having recently enjoyed Clueless (the modern version of this story of a teenage girl who can't help messing with everybody else's love life) on cable, I decided to give this one a chance. Surprise! It's almost as funny and just as charming as Clueless, and would make just as good a sitcom. Gwyneth Paltrow should be prime candidate as the new America's Sweetheart.

ESCAPE FROM L.A.

Bet you thought Snake Plisken was dead? Well he's back - and so are Kurt Russell, producer Debra Hill, and director John Carpenter, who all concocted the plot for this nutty flick. When an evangelist's prophecy of The Big One (i.e. a huge earthquake that demolishes the coast of California) comes true, he parleys his notoriety to become the next President-for-Life (no doubt succeeding Donald Pleasance, shamed out of office for playing the American Bandstand theme to a world-wide audience). The President (a Dole-like Cliff Robertson) immediately declares martial law, and bans all forms of pleasure. When his kooky daughter Utopia (having become a cyberspace girlfriend to revolutionary Cuervo Jones), steals his hi-tek new superweapon, he sends for Snake to get it back. John Carpenter may be weak when it comes to action, but he's much more adept at dark comedy. This sequel is really a much more expensive remake of the original Escape from New York, with broader humor, more f/x, and plenty of guest stars (Steve "the Harry Dean Stanton of the'90s" Buscemi, Pam Grier, Peter Fonda, Bruce Campbell, Bruce the Shark). While the original had cheap model shots as fake computer graphics, the sequel has cheap computer graphics as fake reality! Those out for some laughs will find 'em here. Those looking for hard-boiled sci-fi action should look elsewhere. Example: while Snake battled to the death in a gladiatorial match in EFNY, the laid back California version has him battle for his life against the clock on a basketball court! Don't miss the incredible hook shot! Those lucky Angelinos get to see their town destroyed twice in as many months - Hollywood owes the rest of us big time. Next: Escape from Earth!

FLED

Those that saw him in Biodome may get a kick out of this one, as you'll get to enjoy the sight of Stephen Baldwin getting kicked, punched, sliced, shot, and tortured throughout the picture. But it's not enough to maintain interest in this lame buddy action flick about cons on the run, co-starring a slumming-4-$ Lawrence Fishbourne and Salma (Ay-Yi!) Hayek. Skirting around the main action is a better movie about sly lawman Will Patton on the trail of the fled-ing prisoners (who are, of course, innocent as lambs), and a worse movie about government corruption.

THE FRIGHTENERS

Those that feared that kiwi auteur Peter Jackson would turn "respectable" after Heavenly Creatures can rest easy - his latest offering is as solidly psychotronic as anything he's ever done. Michael J. Fox stars as a troubled widower who gains the ability to perceive ghosts after a near-death experience. Figuratively haunted by his tragic past, literally haunted by some lonely spirits, he sets up a Skin Game-style freelance exorcism business, only to find himself in deep trouble when a deceased serial killer (Jake Busey, who provides double scares by looking exactly like his toothy dad) continues his death spree. Though widely perceived as another Ghostbusters wanna-be supernatural comedy (which Jackson nods to several times), this is also a film with lots going on at several different levels - a challenging agenda for summer audiences out looking for a hoot. Perhaps Universal would have been wiser to keep their originally planned October release date. The plot roars along with the same breakneck pace and crazed camerawork as all of Jackson's films, with a surprisingly high gore score for a big studio flick. Fox's success in mid-'80s TV and movies has had him treading water through a wave of critical backlash the past 1/2 dozen years, but I've always appreciated his deceptively natural style, which often hides the depth of his talent. He gets a lot of meat on his character here, playing both a wisecracking hustler, a grieving loner, and a stressed-out paranoid on the edge of sanity (how would you feel if you could see ghosts all over) all in the same role. The f/x (featuring more digitally generated shots than ID4), produced in Jackson's own New Zealand studio, are simply breathtaking - far above the level of his previous work. This bodes well for Jackson's remake of King Kong (hopefully one which we can all live with).

JOE'S APARTMENT

MTV breaks into features with this bigscreen expansion of John Payson's short. Jerry O'Connell plays sweet-faced hick Joe, seeking his fortune in the Big City, only to get beat up by hard knocks exaggerated to a ridiculous degree. First he works for Shit (an underground hardcore band), but when he loses that job he has to work for PIS&S (a company manufacturing urinal cakes). He thinks he's finally caught a break when he lucks into a low-rent apartment (the only one on a condemned block), only to find it infested with thousands of talking, singing, dancing cockroaches. I didn't expect to like this cartoonish comedy, finding the premise all too similar to that of Twilight of the Cockroaches (with a bit of Hoppity Goes to Town), but was won over by it's sense of fun, endless visual imagination, and relentless portrayal of New York as a bottomless pit of filth (the humans are much more disgusting than the bugs).

KINGPIN

About 40 years ago, with audiences thoroughly jaded with traditional monsters and maniacs, filmmakers found a new way of shocking audiences - explicit gore. In the '90s, filmmakers are using the same shock/response formula to drum up chuckles instead of upchuck. Brothers Peter and Bobby Farrelly fully understand how a shocking idea can also make us laugh, and cashed in with it in Dumb and Dumber. Their new film may not be as perfectly unbalanced as that one was, but it has a much better story, using a rough framework to send up sports films of all kinds. Woody Harrelson stars as Roy Munson, a disco-era Ohio state bowling champ who blew his shot at the big time so thoroughly that his name became a verb ("Guess he really munsoned!"). He sees a chance to worm his way back on top by managing an overgrown Amish kid (Randy Quaid) to a pro championship. Along the way, he gets sidetracked by an ambitious bimbo (Vanessa Angel) and opposed by the man who ruined his life (a surprisingly predictable Bill Murray). The Farrellys sometimes lose their way while juggling genuine plot details with their own brand of anything-for-a-gross-joke attitude, but Harrelson manages to keep things together during most of the picture.

MATILDA

Many children grow up believing they are somehow quite different from the rest of their families. They feel misunderstood. They sometimes feel superior. Sometimes they're right. Matilda (Mara Wilson) is one such mutant child. Born into a family of ignorant boors who ignore and abuse her. She quickly uses her superior intelligence to learn to fend for herself. Her father teaches her only one thing: when a person does something bad, they need to be punished. She then sets about exacting mean-spirited revenge on all who've wronged her, using her superior wits and (later) a developing talent for telekinesis. As she puts it: "No more Miss Nice Girl!" Though bogged down in places by kid-pleasing, messy slapstick, this twisted Roald Dahl fairy tale with SubGenius ethics has been brought to the screen with great style by Danny DeVito, who also plays Matilda's dad. It's kid stuff, but it's wicked kid stuff.

SUPERCOP

(aka: Police Story 3) Miramax takes their turn at releasing a Jackie Chan movie to US theaters, with results only slightly inferior to what New Line did with Rumble in the Bronx. In this 1992 feature, Jackie teams with martial arts goddess (and former Miss Malaysia) Michelle Khan for a mission to mainland China, Kuala Lumpur, and back to Hong Kong. Though they're still selling the kung fu angle here, this one has less fights and more thrilling stunts than the average JC entry. Some injudicious editing by New Line makes a complicated plot even more difficult, but like those of his idol Buster Keaton, Jackie's movies are all about entertainment, not story. Here's hoping they keep 'em coming.

THE VISITORS

In this French tickler, Jean Reno (The Professional) is a medieval knight sent by magic to the 20th century. While desperately trying to ape US comedies, it failed to make me laugh. A big hit in France - maybe it's funnier without subtitles. Or maybe they get a kick out of the fact that they've been rude since time began.

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