Movie Madness!

JULY 1996

THE CABLE GUY

Unlike Jerry Lewis and Eddie Murphy (see The Nutty Professor review below), Jim Carrey has yet to become consumed by his dark side. Maybe this movie will help him keep an eye on the problem. Here he plays a deeply troubled cable installer who becomes frighteningly obsessed with winning the friendship and admiration of his customers - specifically, a nicely underplaying Matthew Broderick. Much like Akroyd and Belushi’s experimental Neighbors, this is actually a psychological horror film disguised as a comedy, and as such it’s both funny and chilling. It also confused the hell out of most audiences who just don’t get it - I found myself laughing by myself half the time. Director Ben Stiller shows up in TV clips as former twin child stars who become the center of a Menendez/OJ-style media circus. Stiller’s TV troupe Andy Dick, Janeane Garofalo, and Bob Odenkirk show up in bit parts.

ERASER

This Schwarzenegger action flick takes an intriguing premise (a top FBI agent who "erases" the lives of relocating witnesses) and quickly wastes it by turning down the tired old path that has a man & woman on the run from a bunch of crooks & cops, while trying to get the evidence that will set things right. James Caan is Arnold’s former mentor and boss, who somehow decided one day to become a totally evil bastard. Some great action and f/x (including supersonic guns and hungry alligators) lift it above the average, but with a lower budget this could have been a Van Damme picture.

THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME

Just as Disney is being attacked by lame-brained Christian groups for their benign attitude toward their homosexual employees, they release this powerful new animated version of Hugo’s tale. The hero is a tortured member of several oppressed minority groups who sings of going "Out There". The villain is an incredibly hypocritical public figure who preaches morality while dishing out hatred. He becomes frustrated to the breaking point as his church tolerantly protects those he seeks to murder - as usual, those self-proclaimed God’s Warriors who shout the loudest are also those least in touch with the messages in their Bibles. This is Disney’s most adult movie ever, and also one of their best, with animation and direction that pays tribute to their past achievements (it begins with a zoom similar to that in Pinocchio, there’s a scene recalling The Old Mill) while breaking new ground at the same time. The story combines several of the best elements of all previous versions - while the songs aren’t so hot, many scenes play out like an operetta. It’s a visually stunning work that had chills running up my spine. Good voice work by Demi Moore, Kevin Kline, Tony Jay, and Jason Alexander. The weak link would have to be in the casting of Tom Hulce as Quasimodo. His voice is too boyish and soft - I would’ve preferred richer, uglier sounds coming from the hunchback’s throat. But bravo to Disney for sticking to their guns and fighting back for once.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Nearly every country in the world seems to have some kind of independence day holiday, and they all celebrate the same way - by blowing up stuff real good! It’s some kind of shared tension/release effect that brings us all closer together. Think about it: ever since Hiroshima blew up, the USA and Japan have never been closer. Sensing this odd human condition which connects spectacular explosions with brotherly love, director Roland Emmerich satisfies it perfectly with the most explosive sci-fi epic ever made. You can criticize it for glossing over pertinent details (see sidebar), or for being overly derivative (see sidebar), but nobody can fault ID4 for the power of its spectacle. It’s big fun from start to finish. The plot: Evil evil aliens come to Earth and try to exterminate us pesky Earthlings. Survivors band together to find a way to fight back. Ka-BOOM! Ooooh! Aaaaah! Any questions? (Okay, so you've got questions. See my Special ID4 Sidebar, already.)

THE NUTTY PROFESSOR

In this remake of the classic Jerry Lewis comedy, Eddie Murphy continues his love affair with makeup man Rick Baker, playing an ingenious but obese college professor who changes his DNA to make himself thin. But it also increases his testosterone to ultra-asshole levels. For years, everyone has assumed that Lewis’ Mr. Hyde character, suave swinger Buddy Love, was meant to lampoon his former partner Dean Martin. Lewis denies this and I believe him - as, over the years, we’ve seen the dark side of Lewis unleashed. Who can forget those golden drug/ego-drenched telethons of bygone years? He was more likely lampooning his own dark side. Here, Murphy does essentially the same - audiences love him when he’s buried under makeup, but become instantly uncomfortable whenever the real Eddie appears. What’s more, while Lewis hired beloved character actors to play his parents, Murphy grabs the roles of his whole family for himself. Maybe this film will allow Murphy to exorcise his personal demons and revert to the relaxed, beloved smartass we all loved. Or maybe he’ll make movies just as hilariously wretched as Lewis’ later flicks and start hosting embarrassing telethons. Either way, he’s still a talent to watch. Also, keep an eye on great young comic Dave Chapelle, who plays a goofy blue insult comic in a nightclub.

PHENOMENON

A rewrite of Daniel Keyes’ Flowers for Algernon. Good-natured small town lug John Travolta suddenly turns into an ultragenius. Everybody gets scared of him, except foxy widow Kyra Sedgewick. If he’d reject that creepy Scientology and join the even creepier Church of the SubGenius, he’d learn how to turn that hate, fear and distrust to his advantage. Good perfs all around, especially from Travolta, Forrest Whitaker and Robert Duvall, who manage to overcome the sappy material.

THE ROCK

This is an oddly unbalanced, but very enjoyable action film. Disgruntled colonel Ed Harris is justly pissed about how the government treats families of men killed on secret missions and such. He steals some missiles, loads them with an ultra-deadly bioweapon, and take tourists hostage on Alcatraz. FBI geek Nicolas Cage teams up with escape expert Sean Connery to sneak in and defuse the missiles. All the main characters are very well written and performed. Not surpris-ingly, this tends to clash a bit with the cartoonish level the overblown action often reaches. Director Michael Bay man-ages to keep the lid on just enough to keep things under control, for the most part. Contains a manic chase scene which pays tribute to movie chase scene clichés.

STRIPTEASE

Demi, fighting to get custody of her daughter from the very lowest ex-husband in history (Robert "T-1000" Patrick), is "forced" to take up stripping in order to raise money for her appeal (although when the hearing is delayed for several months, she’s in no hurry to quit). She looks a bit self-conscious on stage, but that’s probably in character. Her bigger problem is that Patrick, Ving Rhames (as a lovable bouncer), Armand "Mambo" Assante (as a good cop), Burt Reynolds (as a horny Senator), and a gallery of kooky supporting players constantly threaten to steal the movie from her, and often succeed. I find it hard to believe that a woman this smart, warmhearted and beautiful would get together with such an absolute cretin in the first place - but then, I find it hard to believe that it happens so often in real life, too. This wacky comedy is one of those movies that catwalks down the wobbly wall between "good" and "sucks", without really falling into either side.

TRAINSPOTTING

The funniest movie about heroine junkies you’ll ever see. There’s cruel robbery, nightmarish withdrawal, sex with minors, a dead baby, hopeless urban decay, sickening bowel dysfunction, death via AIDS, punk and rave music, brutal beatings, psychosis, betrayal, depression... and it’s all still darn funny. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the sick one. Or maybe it’s because they’re in Scotland.

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