Movie Madness!

JUNE 1996

The fabled period that has come to be known as the Summer Movie Season had finally arrived. That means more big, exciting, expensive thrillers and action epics - and even if a bunch of them suck, there’s always some that deliver the goods in a big way. The past few years have seen the rise of Computer Graphic Imagery as a main component of the special effects in movies. This has turned out to be a dream come true for those of us who grew up suspending our disbelief as hard as we could, trying desperately to imagine that somehow it didn’t matter that we could see the wires and sloppy matte lines. And what is Hollywood planning to do with this new toy? More good news: namely, big monster movies! Some are showing up already, with lots more in the works. There’s Speilberg’s The Lost World, for one (the sequel to Jurassic Park). Roland Emmerich will be following up his eagerly-awaited Independence Day with Godzilla. There’s also a Mighty Joe Young remake in the works, along with a new version of King Kong (as I predicted last year).

THE ARRIVAL

I wasn’t expecting much from this one, other than an attempt to cash in on The X-Files, but I was pleasantly surprised - this is one summer movie that’s actually better than its trailers. Charlie Sheen uses both of his expressions as an obsessed scientist who catches a radio message from another star. When he tells his boss (Ron Silver, who’s much better since he started shaving), he finds himself not only fired, but blackballed - and dumped by his girl (gorgeous Teri Polo). His quest for answers lead him to some extremely hazardous Central American hotels, before he discovers a secret base of covertly hostile aliens. Aside from one or two questionable plot points, this is a solid pulp sci-fi thriller with some really cool aliens.

THE BIRD CAGE

A Hollywood remake of an old French movie - what’ll they think of next?. I flew all the way to San Francisco to see this, just for the ambiance. This makes the third time in as many years that Robin Williams has played gay and/or drag roles. What are you trying to tell us, Mork?

CEMETERY MAN

Aka: Dellamorte Dellamore. Argento protégé Michelle Soavi steps firmly out from the maestro’s shadow with this 1994 exploration of the macabre black comedy he’d only hinted at in his previous films. It’s about the keeper of the Buffalora Cemetery (played by Rupert Everett, who inspired the look of the original comic character on which this is based), where the dead don’t stay put, and he has to routinely put them back. This odd existence naturally starts to play tricks on his mind. Featuring some breathtakingly beautiful sequences, some primo splatter, and plenty of startling surrealism, it’s like a collaboration of George Romero and David Lynch. Why does it feel so darn good to again see a movie where cannibal zombies get shot in the head?

DRAGONHEART

A well made medieval adventure film which is also partly a buddy picture - but in this case, the buddy makes all the difference. Sean Connery supplies the voice of Draco, last of the dragons and the most complexly animated character in the history of film. The illusion of reality is 100% believable - except for the fact that, since he sounds like Connery, Draco sometimes comes off as just another puppet. Rob Cohen (whose last film was, coincidentally, Dragon) delivers another fine picture with mythical overtones - but the dragon’s the real reason to see this.

GHOST IN THE SHELL

Wonderfully animated sci-fi from Japan about a cyborg special agent trying to track down a rogue artificial intelligence while questioning the nature of her existence in the screwed-up hi-tech world of the future (so who isn’t?). There’s some touchingly poetic sequences matched by some really great action and destruction, but it’s polluted by a very complex plot, which calls for way too much dialogue - in other words, there's way too much talk and not enough rock. I love all the folks who are bringing anime to America, but can you please hire some actors to do the dubbing instead of "voice talent"?

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE

The TV show followed a strict formula: every week, the Impossible Mission Force pulled off some outrageously contrived sting operation against the evil dictator of a small third world country. No soap, just pure plot, with a solid ensemble cast acting incredibly smooth all the time. But this movie’s a Tom Cruise production, so it’s TOM TOM TOM as the STAR. That said, this is a pretty nifty (though needlessly confusing and irreverant) spy thriller courtesy of the always-interesting Brian DePalma, with more double-crosses than a tic-tac-toe championship, and a completely far-fetched (but fun) action climax.

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 - the Movie

More TV in the theater. I’m one of those who hated this show - until I actually saw it. I'd heard it was a bunch of stand-up comics making fun of "bad" movies. I thought, "Who needs these guys? I can crack my own jokes." What I didn't realize is that this is a comedy show that happens to be built around a movie, not a movie show with comic interference. I also didn't know that it was so darn funny. If you haven’t sampled it on cable (or the cut-down syndicated version), here’s your chance to see the funniest show on TV - in a theater. It’s just like the TV show, only bigger. And Tom Servo says a cuss word (three times!), just to earn a PG-13 (which isn’t as shocking as his revealed "collection"). Some folks are a-quibbling that their chosen experiment, This Island Earth, isn’t acceptable as a "bad movie" really (and in the end, they even admit that it’s not so bad), but I’m of the opinion that the movie doesn’t have to be bad to be on MST3K. I’d love to see them do Citizen Kane. I am a little peeved that they edited scenes from the film, though - the movie’s actually shorter than the TV show.

THE PHANTOM

This is a new adaptation of Lee Falk’s classic adventure comic strip, which has been running continuously since 1936. Billy Zane is perfectly cast as the hero. Treat Williams is hilarious as the villain, resembling a deranged Howard Hughes. Though many folks have compared this with Batman, the Phantom was there first - an odd combination of all kinds pulp elements mashed together into one hero. Besides, this has more in common with the serial incarnation produced in the ‘40s, making it more akin to Indiana Jones than anything else produced in the last 10 years. The only problem is that the material was perfectly crafted to exist as a comic strip, and just doesn't work as well as a modern feature film. It’s good fun, but there feels like there should be another chapter every week.

SWITCHBLADE SISTERS

Another reason to be excited about the future of movies - the past rediscovered. This 1975 cult classic from Jack Hill about NYC gang debs who get tired of being pushed around by the boys and get their bloody revenge is the second release from Quentin Tarentino’s Rolling Thunder label. If you’ve seen this already, it was either on a blurry boot-leg video, or from it’s source pre-record released in the ‘80s. Or maybe you got to see it as it was meant to be seen: a scratchy print on a torn screen in a dank inner-city grindhouse. Anyway, if you missed it, here’s your chance to discover an outrageous gem. Proves QT wasn’t kidding about bringing back great trash like this.

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